either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
