please come you make the beer taste better
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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