Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We are all done wearing pants today
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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