This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
