dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
