Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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