I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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