I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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