I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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