Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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