Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
