I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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