I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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