a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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