I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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