I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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