I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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