Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
