I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
