awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
