Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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