think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
