We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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