The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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