i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
