morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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