Betty ford says i'm here all night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
