I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
