I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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