Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just google imaged poop.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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