He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
