fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
