dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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