Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
