I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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