so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Welp...herpes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
