two words: eviction party
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
