He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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