I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
