More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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