I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
