Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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