i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize