i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
