Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
