suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
