This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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