I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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