Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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