Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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