Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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