Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
