after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
