Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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