I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
