so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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