I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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