Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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