More tranny stories later!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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