$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
