as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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