Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
