So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
