Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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