GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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