There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
