Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
