oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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