Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
