My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
