Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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