your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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