Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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