Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Im part way to drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
