jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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