party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
