I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
