Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
