Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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