this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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