dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
