My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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