Someone shit on the floor
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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