So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
