positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
