I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
